Andy's Blog

I was working in one of the local authorities. It is a vast place of green corridors, security doors and secret passages before you eventually end up in the council chamber. This is a sombre-looking place where lots of sombre-looking people get together to make sombre decisions. A portrait of her Majesty bears down on proceedings. For some reason she has a Mona Lisa non-smile and I always think, come on Liz, cheer up, we need our head of state to be a 2%er!

My mate Mick is unlucky. Or so he says. Mick says that nothing ever works out for him. He’s recently divorced and his job is under threat. And the job he does have doesn’t pay particularly well. And recently his car engine packed up and it cost him a lot of money. Oh, and he nearly always loses at cards and snooker.

Maybe he’s got a point?

I recently got into a conversation about a lady named Julie. It turns out there were two Julies in the same office so the person asked me which one I was talking about. ‘Smiling Julie’, I answered. And they knew instantly which one I meant.

Here’s an interesting dilemma for you. Put yourself in my shoes and decide how you’d play it...

I arrived at the airport in plenty of time. Heathrow T5. Nice! Went through the check-in procedure, then the security checks.  Forced down my 2-litre Evian rather than chuck it away. Nearly drowned! Took off my shoes, removed my belt, watch and loose change but still got beeped. Enjoyed the frisk. Wandered through the shops. Sprayed myself with something expensive. Visited the loo as a matter of urgency. Went to WHSmith to choose something to scoff. Wondered why a bag of wine gums costs £3.50 so opted for a small packed of McVities digestives. Loo again. Then found a seat and sat down with my laptop on my knee and did some work to kill an hour. So far so good.

Hopefully not! If you do find a few then my advice is to have a good scratch and, if that doesn’t work, change your underwear (reminds me of a mate of mine who bragged about how many pairs of pants he owned. Twelve! Imagine! We were amazed that a bloke needed that many pairs. Until he explained, one pair for January, one for February, etc (I digress...sorry).

This blog isn’t about ants in your pants. It’s about ANTs in your head...

You have to be of a certain age to remember ‘Jim’ll Fix It’, a slightly creepy programme where an ageing DJ in a white shellsuit had loads of kids sitting on his knee, while puffing on a fat Havanna cigar. And Jim specialised in making their dreams come true. Mmmm. Not sure that’s going to work in the modern era?

Anyway, the point was that Jim would organise for things to happen. He’d read out a letter and, hey presto, some child’s ambition would happen. Sometimes it was big stuff that only Jim could organise, like a ride in an F1 car, or to take part in a West End show. Or to have Showaddywaddy playing in your school assembly. Fair doos. That’s proper telly. And Jim always fixed it for you and you and you-oo-oooo.

Cast your mind back to the olden days (ie, 5 years ago). If ‘change’ was a dog it would have been a Labrador, all friendly and comfortable and licky. Sure, it had teeth but it wouldn’t dream of sinking them into you! You could throw ‘change’ a ball and it’d come back and drop it at your feet in a beautifully predictable and well-trained way.

If, like me, you’re of a certain age, the likelihood is that your grandparents had a ‘job for life’. It’s also quite likely that this applied to your grandpa but your grandma didn’t work (not in the paid sense at least).

Skip a generation and, typically, your parents probably both worked. They might have had one career change along the way.

Fast-forward to today. You’ve probably had several jobs with a career trajectory that has been slightly upward but often sideways or downwards. All a bit ‘snakes and ladders’. And, in the current climate, there are too many adders and not enough ladders!

I've got good news, great news and fab news!

We’ve been delivering our messages in schools for a while. Being positive doesn’t mean that you deny the fact that some workshops have failed. I remember driving back from the south coast after battling with some 14 and 15 year olds, wondering why I had even bothered to make the journey.

But the vast majority of ‘Art of Being Brilliant’ school sessions have been very well received. I’m really proud of some of the results we’ve achieved and, to be frank, we go where other training companies fear to tread. Not only are school gigs 10 times tougher than corporate work, but budgets are much tighter so we often end up making a loss...

If you want your business to be like all the others, set yourself some SMART objectives. I doubt there will be anyone who hasn’t had this hammered into them. Specific, Measurable, Achievable (yawn), Realistic, (head lolling in near slumber) and Time-bound (snore).

I’ve just finished writing ‘The Art of Being a Brilliant Teacher’ with Chris Henley and Gary Toward (if you attended the last 2%ers you will know them and their fab school). Fingers crossed that it’s a half decent book that connects with its intended audience. But one thing it has forced me to do is think about the issues faced by educators.

As always, I ask for your patience while I make my point. Please hang in there. This could be the most awesome 5 minutes of your day!