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Orchestral manouvers in the dark

A modern workplace parable, with a few random thoughts thrown in…

A senior manager had tickets to see the London Philharmonic perform Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony at the Royal Albert Hall. This was a rare treat because business was tough. In fact he’d spent the last week re-structuring his company, butchering the head count to improve the bottom line He enjoyed the concert. His tickets were charged to corporate hospitality but that didn’t stop him wincing at their face value. He decided to put some of his business cost-cutting ideas into practice. When he got home, he wrote a report to the RPO conductor…

“I enjoyed last night’s concert but couldn’t help thinking that the whole event was highly inefficient. At one point all 14 violins were playing the same note at the same time. I would recommend you only use 1 violinist in future.

The French horns merely repeated what the violins did and therefore I see no need for a horn section.

Many of the musicians expended excessive time and effort on playing rapid demi and semi quavers and I therefore recommend that all notes are rounded up to the nearest quaver. This has the added benefit of reducing the skill level so you could employ semi-skilled staff. This would be a massive money saver.

The oboe was used, on average, once every 15 minutes. It would therefore be prudent for the oboe player to play a selection of other instruments in his spare time.

If these recommendations are put into practice the concert could be reduced in time from 1 hour 43 minutes to 24 minutes and the number of musicians reduced from 57 to 8.

If Schubert had had this foresight he would undoubtedly have had time to finish the symphony.”

There’s a message in there somewhere folks. The modern world is striving for super-efficiency and cost-cutting. There’s no doubting these are important. But our belief is that quality shines through. Cut costs by all means. But please make sure you don’t reduce the value of what you’re delivering.