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Happy families

If you remember, I left you on a cliff hanger? What do you mean you don’t care? Or you can’t remember?

To recap, I’d suggested we need an alien invasion to bring us humans together as one big happy family. And it’s ‘happy families’ that I want to continue with.

Because some families don’t get on. I mean, how on earth are we going to reconcile the ills of the world when families are at war?

So, in true 2%er style, I’ve decided to do my bit for humanity. For the rest of my life I’m going to treat everyone as if they are family. I’m so excited about it! Once ‘everyone’ is family, the world seems such a nicer place.

My first opportunity to heal the world came as I was checking into one of Lenny’s purple hotels (in Romford – rock ‘n’ roll baby). I waited patiently as a couple tried to check in. I couldn’t help noticing that the middle aged woman had a dragon tattooed on her back and the guy looked rather like Steptoe. And it was weird that they only wanted the room for an hour? The Jeremy Kyle episode ‘I got my sister pregnant in a Premier Inn’ flickered momentarily across my mind. But, hey, they’re family, so I blew that thought away.

Anyway their credit card didn’t work and Premier Inn don’t take cash so after a few minutes of them pleading with reception and me desperately needing a wee, it hit me that this was an opportunity. I had just committed to treating everyone as family. Would I treat my family like this?

Of course not. So I stepped forward and paid for their room on my credit card. Ta da!

The lady with the dragon tattoo seemed really grateful and I walked down the corridor towards my room thinking, ‘This changing the world is going to cost me a bloody fortune.’ But, I have to be honest, I did have a warm glow on the inside.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the full amount was waiting for me (in cash) behind reception in the morning. I tucked into my morning croissant, my faith in humanity peeking through in a wry smile. I glanced at the headline of the local paper, ‘Mugging at Premier Inn by Dragon Lady and Steptoe accomplice.’

And I marvelled at the coincidence. Fancy that happening, here in Romford. Amazing!

Andy W @artofbrillandyw

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