Now I have your attention, I have a shed for sale.
Just kidding.
But I’m pretty sure that if I did a survey of who gets a kick out of corporate language, it’d be a very small group who put their hands up. It’s bizarre – everyone hates corporate speak but we all seem to do it. How many times have I listened in on a meeting and heard, ‘Hey guy’s let’s have a round robin of blue sky thinking to coax this puppy out the kennel.’ Well, to be fair, I’ve never heard that particular sentence but you get my drift. There’s an awful lot of ‘thinking outside the box’, ‘putting this one to bed’ and ‘pushing the envelope’.
At Art of Brill HQ we like to experiment so recently I’ve taken to switching my language. I now use my ‘home me’ at work and my ‘work me’ at home. And, hand on heart, the results have been amazing!
I got the idea from my 79 year old dad who is staying with me. My old approach didn’t seem to be working.
Me: “Would you like anything from the kitchen dad?”
Dad: “I’m not sure.”
Me (slightly irritated): “Are you thirsty?”
Dad: “I’m not sure.”
Me: “A biscuit?”
Dad: “I don’t know son.”
This goes on for several minutes and I end up bringing the wrong thing and he moans.
So here’s my new corporate approach. I have indeed reinvented the wheel.
Me:
“Hey dad, here’s the big picture. I want to be totally client-focused and offer you some value added. I’m going to the kitchen to be proactive and could bring you tea, coffee, sandwich, biscuit, copy of Razzle, whatever? So, to keep you in the loop I thought I’d ask which boxes you want to tick.”
I then give him 30 seconds to decide. He loves game shows so I do the Countdown noise before I hit the ground running and collect his order. On my return I say:
“Nice choice dad. Any feedback let me know. I’ll be sat next to you while we watch True Grit.”
I keep a complaint form handy.
Same with my daughter. The old approach of “Please can you tidy your room Liv?” just wasn’t cutting the mustard. So I’ve replaced it with:
“I’ve decided to touch base with you to discuss your request of…”
(I always look down at my notes at this point)
“…‘I’m not a kid anymore father’.
“We really need to put this one to bed Liv so I’ve been researching some sort of quid pro quo agreement. I’ve looked at local rentals in the area and you can get a one room bedsit in a crack house for £35 per month.”
As her bottom lip trembles, I suggest we could compromise and achieve a win:win if she agrees to stop her room smelling like someone’s died in it.
This approach has transformed my home life. However the biggest results have come from applying the ‘home’ version of me at work. I make people more drinks, I spend time chatting about their homework, I’ve even started giving work colleagues lifts to extra-curricular clubs.
On reflection, my home life runs a little better but the biggest difference is people at work seem to love me more.