At Art of Brill, we advocate saying ‘yes’ more than ‘no’. But beware – if you overdo it, you end up over-committed, overworked and overwhelmed.
The trick is to find the yes/no sweet spot.
If you’re a lovely, polite, people-pleasing human being, you’re plagued by that pesky ‘yes’ word. We say ‘yes’ because we don’t want to disappoint. We say ‘yes’ to avoid awkwardness, conflict, judgement and guilt. But every unnecessary ‘yes’ is a self-betrayal because every ‘yes’ to them is often a ‘no’ to you.
‘Yes’ to an evening meeting is ‘no’ to your child’s bathtime. ‘Yes’ to responding to emails after dinner is ‘no’ to relaxing with your partner. ‘Yes’ to checking social media is ‘no’ to hearing about your friend’s day. When we look back a year or so from now, we won’t remember the meetings, emails or notifications, but those people we said ‘no’ to will.
Let’s be clear: you don’t owe everyone your time. You don’t owe every problem your attention. You don’t owe every opportunity a ‘yes’.
But I get it. I really do. It feels uncomfortable, bordering on selfish, to say ‘no’. But you’re not being selfish, you’re being selective. Saying ‘no’ isn’t rejection, it’s redirection. It’s you taking control and deciding where your focus goes, and where it doesn’t.
Because the cost of over-giving isn’t just exhaustion, it’s disconnection from the things that truly matter, TO YOU.
‘No’ isn’t about being negative, it’s about setting boundaries. Boundaries are your ‘wellbeing ally’. They protect your time and energy, and allow you to prioritise what truly matters, whether that’s rest, family, or projects that fit best with your values and goals.
To be clear, ‘yes’ is a wonderful word. Throw yourself headlong into life. Use it often. But not TOO often!
You don’t need to write a speech. You don’t need to overexplain. But sometimes you just need to say ‘no.’