Dr of Happiness asks: Are you suffering from Modern Life Syndrome?
Take our 19-question test. Simply tap the ones that apply to you…
Symptom #1: Anxiety Anxiety
Worrying about being worried. Eventually anxious you’re not even managing your anxiety very well.
Symptom #2: Perma-Tiredness
Waking up tired. Staying tired. Going to bed tired.
Symptom #3: Emotional Whiplash
Rapid mood swings caused by alternating between cute dog reels and apocalyptic headlines.
Symptom #4: Hurried Person Syndrome
Juggling everything. Rushing everywhere. Even when there’s nowhere urgent to be. (Works in the opposite way to man-flu — females suffer worse than males.)
Symptom #5: Compressed Time Disorder
Is it that time already?!
Symptom #6: Decision Fatigue
Mentally exhausted by choosing between 17 oat milk options.
Symptom #7: Doomscroll Regret
Another 45 minutes of your life has scrolled by. Again!
Symptom #8: Inbox Vertigo
A mild panic as emails cascade in. May escalate to Inbox PTSD at “462 unread.”
Symptom #9: Sigh Inflation
Sighs become heavier and more frequent as the week progresses.
Symptom #10: Comparisonitis
A painful blend of envy, irritation and disappointment after scrolling other people’s highlight reels.
Symptom #11: Overpostosis
The compulsive urge to share only filtered, curated, achievement-packed moments. The aim is to trigger Comparisonitis in others.
Symptom #12: Step-Count Shame
Checking your fitness tracker and wondering if it’s broken.
Symptom #13: Meal Deal Paralysis
Too many choices. Too many rules. You panic… and buy the same thing as always.
Symptom #14: Low Level Grumbling (LLG)
A background hum of irritation that occasionally flares into full-blown IBS (Irritable Bastard Syndrome).
Symptom #15: Musterbation
Turning “nice to have” into “must have”. Advanced cases lead to stuffocation (drowning in glut).
Symptom #16: Life Admin Paralysis
Unable to book appointments, renew insurance or return parcels because the form has six pages and a password reset.
Symptom #17: Productivity Guilt
Feeling stressed when busy. Feeling guilty when resting.
Symptom #18: Inbox Hopefulness
Opening email in case something exciting has happened. (It hasn’t.)
Symptom #19: Chronic Adaptation
You’ve adjusted so well to modern life you’ve forgotten what calm feels like.
Your Modern Life Syndrome Score
Tap the symptoms above to reveal your diagnosis
1–4 symptoms
Suspiciously Calm
Either you’re meditating in a yurt, living off-grid, or deeply in denial. Keep an eye on yourself. This level of serenity is not normal.
5–9 symptoms
Moderate MLS
You’re functional, but frayed at the edges. Life feels busy, noisy and mildly irritating, with occasional flashes of “Is it just me?” (It isn’t.)
10–14 symptoms
Advanced MLS
You are officially busy but brittle. Rest feels unearned. Calm feels unfamiliar. Silence feels suspicious. Prognosis: urgent intervention required. Start with attention. Then sleep. Then perspective.
Medical note: High risk of snapping at loved ones over absolutely nothing.
15–19 symptoms
Full-Blown Modern Life Syndrome
You’ve adapted so well to modern life that you’ve forgotten what human pace feels like. You are calm-curious but stress-native. Prognosis: congratulations, you are officially a case study.
Medical note: Not broken. Just extremely 21st century.
Clinical note from the Dr of Happiness
Modern Life Syndrome isn’t a personal failing. It’s what happens when Stone Age brains are asked to thrive in a hyper-stimulated, always-on world.
The good news? MLS is reversible — not by doing more, but by doing fewer of the wrong things.