I’ve long given up trying to change or ‘improve’ other people. I’ve stopped shouting at the news. I’ve ceased being grouchy because of the drizzle. I’ve stopped blaming fast-food restaurants or my ‘lifestyle’ for making me fat. And I no longer curse the rush hour for giving me an ulcer.
I lay so comfortably on the bed of excuses that I think I nodded off. I was lying there, luxuriating in blame, waiting for my life to improve and, before I knew it, a couple of decades had whizzed by. But that doesn’t matter because I’m like you, I have the rest of my life to find happiness.
But then a thought struck me, what if it takes longer than that?
[That sentence is so huge, it needs landing a second time – what if I go my whole life waiting for happiness and it never arrives?]
So, wearily at first, I poked my toe out from beneath the duvet of inertia. Which actually gives you a big clue about my view on ‘positive thinking’. I’m not a big believer you see, unless it’s backed by positive action.
You can’t just wish to be upbeat and positive. Happiness is not a waiting game, it’s a creating game. You have to make things happen.
Of course, no matter how positive and upbeat you are, you’ll still get negative thoughts popping into your head, because that’s how thoughts work.
We are programmed to respond to external stimuli. Human beings are wired to be able to experience a whole gamut of emotions, including those that would be classed as ‘negative’; anger, jealousy, rage, terror, sadness and the like. I really don’t think we should be denying them. Negative emotions aren’t all bad. We feel them for a reason!
Fear, for example, is useful. Sometimes. You don’t go walking down dark alleyways at night for a reason. Similarly, fear stops you walking too close to a cliff edge.
The problem arises when we magnify negative emotions and use them against ourselves.
Fear stops you walking off cliffs but it also stops you from presenting at a meeting.
Shyness stops you making an idiot of yourself but it also strops you from meeting your perfect partner.
Pessimism protects you from disappointment but also hampers your happiness.
The truth is simple. As a human being, your default setting is to look out for danger. You’re wired for negativity. It’s not just you, we’re all at it! That’s just how it is.
That’s why at Art of Brill we help you re-focus. It’s about small actions that have a massive impact. Your wellbeing is enhanced by learning to notice the good, appreciate the everyday beauty and savour the awesomeness of ‘right now’ – that’s where the magic is.