“Complaining is like bad breath. We notice it when it comes out of someone else’s mouth, but not when it comes out of our own.” – Will Bowen
Joining my first school after becoming a newly qualified teacher (ECT for you newcomers) I was keen to make a good impression and fit in. So I did what everyone else did and trotted down to the staffroom at lunchtime.
Within a few minutes it became very apparent there was something stale in the air and I’m not talking about the milk in the fridge. The energy, the tone, the vibe. It was sour. All the teachers and teaching assistants were complaining about how bad their mornings had been.
The photocopier had jammed.
There were no tea bags.
It was raining.
Someone had parked in their usual car parking space (guilty).
We had only been in school for four hours.
I thought it was first-day issues and perhaps tomorrow would be different.
But it wasn’t.
Even though the photocopier didn’t jam, there were now teabags, the sun was shining and I made sure I parked on the street, they still found plenty to moan about.
It was all so negative.
Yet nothing bad had actually happened. The complaints were so trivial.
It also became apparent that no one was actually listening to each other, they were waiting for a pause of breath or bite of a sandwich before someone else jumped in and tried to outdo their bad morning.
I soon realised that the only thing to outnumber the amount of biscuits in a staffroom is the amount of complaints you hear.
The average person complains about 15-30x a day and I’m pretty sure my new colleagues were aiming to set a new record.
As social creatures, we have learnt to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, even if we don’t necessarily agree or like it. I wanted to fit into my new school but it seemed the only way to do that was through moaning.
As Maggie Smith says, “You’re not alone when you moan.”
The thing is, all these little moans sap your energy and leave you feeling depleted.
Our days are often not ruined by one big thing that happens, our days are ruined by lots of small annoyances that have added up throughout the day. Trivial stuff.
The majority of what we grumble about is just a habit.
A question we often ask at Art of Brill is: Was it a bad day or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I started dreading lunchtimes in the staffroom, so replaced it with a walk. Some of my new colleagues noticed what I was doing and asked to join me.
After a while, a few of us would head out every lunchtime. Instead of complaints, you would hear comments about the environment, noticing the little things. I somehow had managed to fit in without having to moan, in fact without having to say very much at all.
By changing the way we normally do things and committing to less complaining, hopefully, our relationships with others will improve and we begin to sync with each other positively rather than negatively.
Like all Art of Brill messages, it sounds simple but it’s not always easy – otherwise everyone else would be doing it.