We live in a society that is constantly telling us we do not have enough. We don’t look good enough. We don’t make enough money. Basically speaking, we are not enough.
Our economy thrives on our weaknesses – gyms, plastic surgeons, shops, social media. The dissatisfaction that is created through these messages and social comparisons lures us to purchase more. We think it will nullify the self-doubt, the hollowness, and it does, but only temporarily.
We are told that once we obtain wealth, beauty and success then we will be happy. The trouble is the more we get, the more we want. We are overfed and completely undernourished. Dave Ramsey said it best, “We buy things we don’t need – with money we don’t have – to impress people we don’t like.”
The media’s messages are – we strive, we struggle, we succeed and then we are happy.
We have this misguided assumption that if we buy this, then we will be happy. If we do this, then we will be happy. But guess what? The goal posts just keep moving. If we are constantly seeking the next thing, saying to ourselves, “I will be happy when…” or, “I can’t wait for…” we will never be happy. Our human drive to obtain is insidious.
Happiness is a state of mind not a collection of material things.
There is a great story about the authors Joseph Heller and Kurt Vonnegut. They were both at a party of a New York billionaire and Vonnegut started to tease his friend. Below is the exchange that Vonnegut published some years later:
I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday may have made more money than your novel ‘Catch-22’ has earned in its entire history?”
And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
Heller was onto something. Enoughness. It goes against the grain, but it will certainly make us happier in the long run because success is not a requirement for happiness.
We look at ‘successful’ people and are convinced they must be happy and that they have it all. Social media paints the same picture. But it’s not true. They are human, just like us. They have their own insecurities, their own hang-ups and their own goal posts that they are trying to reach.
The lure of chasing desires and wants is far more tempting than our basic needs. But material wealth does not lead to emotional wealth. We need to learn to unchain ourselves from the clutter and excess. Only then, will we see we have everything we already need.
As the saying goes, “Those who are content are rich.”
In our workshops, we often ask delegates what happiness is for them. The top answer most of the time is contentment. When we delve deeper and talk about those top moments in our lives, they always involve people and experiences, not things.
Being content isn’t about never having ambition, it’s not about settling. You can still seek improvement. Just like all things in life, it requires balance. The Swedish word ‘lagom’ translates to ‘just the right amount’. The Swedes believe that ‘lagom’ can guide us to finding balance in our lives and ultimately, happiness.
We do our best work when we are in a good place. We are more thoughtful when we are at peace. We are more generous when we feel good.
Most of us have enough right now. If we can learn to recognise enoughness then everything else becomes extra.