I began working as a teacher in secondary schools in 1995. During this time, I encouraged, coached and helped young people to want to work hard so that when they opened their exam results letter, they got the results that they deserved.
What I found astounding was the piece of the student triangle that was always overlooked – the way parents can help best. As a result, I developed and ran sessions for parents, and they loved them! In fact, they loved them so much that they wanted more!
With exam season approaching, it’s time to help you to help them.
The truth is that most parents want to help BUT feel like a spare part come exam season. What can they do to help their child and help their family stay energised? The most common thing I heard was, ‘as long as you do your best, that’s all I can ask’. That never sat well with me if it was said in the morning of the exams – especially if the student had not prepared. What I mean is, the best time for this conversation is months before.
When students are really focused, and need a result, either to stay on at school or get to university, there can be a big shift from the mock to real exam grades. So, this is the time to consider what doing their best looks like. How many hours a week will they be revising?
Will they prioritise certain courses? How would the best parent in the world (AKA YOU!) help?
With a few months before exam season starts, parents can help with the mindset of students. Belief is a key ingredient here. Self-worth and confidence can drop.
The mantra we have in our house (and one I use with my students and myself now) is ‘I will get better with effort.’ Rarely have I seen a student, or indeed anyone, do things brilliantly first time. They have to get what Brene Brown calls an SFD (a Shocking First Draft) out of their system. The aim is to get the SFD in the run up to the exam and not in the exam.
So, brilliant, caring parents, between now and the exams, check in with your child. Once they know you are serious about these exams, have a discussion about what doing their best in the run up to their exams looks like.
Begin with the idea that they will get better with effort. It is about improvement and NOT perfection. Further, can you show them areas where they have made an SFD and taken steps to improve, and praise that progress? If they can do it in one subject, they can do it in another. That means, you can begin to celebrate the effort immediately after the exams have finished because you will know that they have done their best. The results will then speak for themselves.
And if all else fails, knowing that you are there, with a smile, a hug, and an ‘I’m here for you!’ will keep them buoyant.
So, what about those students who show that they don’t care? More on them next time….
And what about strategies to help parents stay mentally fit? That’s in the next instalment too.
Meantime, I’m running a Parenting TLC webinar on Monday 4th March. Virtual, 7:00 until 8:30pm. It’s me supporting you to support them! More details are available on our Parenting TLC page